Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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