it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
