If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
