remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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