My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
