dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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