Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize