Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I could fuck to npr.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
