Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
