I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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