Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
