2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
