Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
