What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
