im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
