Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i need some magic done to my vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
