I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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