I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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