You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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