I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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