Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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