i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
