Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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