Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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