You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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