only you would photoshop your dick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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