I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
