Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
