sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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