remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
