I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
