i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
