This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
