She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
