You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
