drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
