I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
