I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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