I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize