This dress was meant to end up on your floor
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
