I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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