i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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