I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
