is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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