Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize