I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize