i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
