then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
