How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
