So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
