i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
