I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
