i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
