official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this is an emotional support booty call
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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