As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
