I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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