Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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