he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
