You work out of a Hotel?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
