toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
