Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
