The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
