she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
