I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
