I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
