youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
