Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
