What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
