IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
