My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He better not be in your backpack
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
