i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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