Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
