You smell like a Billy Joel song
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
