If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
