am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
