I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
