she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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