Yo dont text me then not text me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
