I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
