and i looked up. we had an audience...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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