Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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