I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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