Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Boobs are out for the taking
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
