If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
