yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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