with your own penis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I party with great urgency now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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