i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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