she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
