Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
