kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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