Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she pinky promised me she was 18
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize