she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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