Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
