I puked a lego.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize