if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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