Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
