I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
